The Red Nightmare

The Red Nightmare

I admit it.  Two years ago I bought into the whole Elf on the Shelf hoopla.  Oh isn’t it cute!  A new family tradition!  My boys loved it.  Casey named him Jingle.  They are anxiously counting down the days until Jingle makes his annual return.  In theory it is a sweet idea, but in practice it’s a real pain in the ass.

First of all, I am busy…and tired.  It may not seem like such a big deal; you just have to put the little red menace in a new location each night before going to bed.  Truthfully though, I always forget.  So come morning I am racing to move Jingle before I get busted by Casey.

Second, a person only has so many practical places to put the damn thing.  The rules are you can’t touch him or he loses all his magical powers.  For little kids this is gospel.  So where ever you set Jingle up, that part of the room becomes off limits.  If you put him in the cookie jar no one is getting cookies that day.  The same goes for the bathtub, the toy chest, or the counter top.

The third reason I am sick of that little Elf is because of all those over achieving moms on Pinterest.  I am an over achieving mom and even I think some of these women are crazy!!

I mean, isn’t there enough mommy stress already?  There is working mom guilt vs. staying at home, tiger parenting vs. helicopter parenting, being an organic green mom vs. being the thrifty coupon mom.  Next comes the homework hell, the dinner debacle (Christ you have to feed them every night!), and the never ending laundry madness.

So with all this daily stress was it really necessary for all these over achieving moms on Pinterest to rub it in out faces how freaking awesome they are by creating a month long staging ritual for a stupid Elf to add on top of the holiday cooking, shopping, wrapping, and cleaning.

cheerio mini donutsI’m sorry but I do not have time to hand decorate individual Cheerios into fake donuts so Elf and Barbie can have a romantic picnic under the mistletoe.  I have no desire to pour flour all over my kitchen counter and get the Elf covered in flour because Jingle felt like making “snow angels.”  Oh, I know, I can use my lipstick to write all over the bathroom mirror a holiday message for the kids from their Elf.  Why are grown women trashing their own houses, making messes that they will have to clean up once the kids go to bed?

elf in flourSo, begrudgingly I will get Jingle out of storage.  I will stick him in the tree and hang him from the chandelier because I created this mess and now I am stuck with it unless I am going to make a little boy cry and take away the magic of Christmas.  I’ll do it, but don’t think I like it.

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