Tired Mommy Survival Trick: How to Fake Clean Hair

How to Fake Clean Hair

Let’s face it, once you become a mom, your personal grooming takes a hit. I remember when I had my first baby I could not for the life of me figure out when I was supposed to take a shower.

If I am supposed to sleep when the baby slept, then I couldn’t take a shower. But then once the baby woke up it was feeding, diapering, burping, etc., so I still wasn’t showering. I finally figured out to put the baby in the bouncy and take a shower with the baby in the bathroom. Of course my mommy fatigued brain took a week or so to come to up with that idea. I was becoming rather ripe if I do say so myself.

Then comes baby two, and your job, and the housework, and after school activities. I have learned to take a 120 second shower once the boys are in bed for the night since I don’t have time in the morning. But my hair is another story. Because my hair is fine I can’t wash it daily, it breaks and falls out. So I only have to wash it twice a week. How hard can that be? Hahaha, oh excuse me.

Anyway, my hair is good for three days, but by day four it gets flat. By day five it pretty much looks like crap. So how does a working mommy go to work when her hair looks like a matted down birds nest? Through trial and error I have honestly figured this one out.

Because I can’t afford Botox I grew myself some bangs years ago. The first step to faking clean hair really is to wash out JUST your bangs. This requires a rain drop sized amount of shampoo and then hunch over the sink and in 15 seconds wet, suds, and rinse your bangs. Be very careful NOT to get the rest of your hair wet. Squeeze out the water with your fingers and then use a round brush and your dryer to blow them out so they are dry, clean and fluffy. This whole process is done in under a minute, seriously.

IMG_0880Since your bangs are front and center on your face it’s the first thing people see, and you can’t fake clean hair with greasy, stringy bangs.

Next I love TRESemme Fresh Start Dry Shampoo for Oily/Straight to Normal Hair. I am allergic to most perfumes but the fragrance of this one is subtle and fresh smelling. Shake the can a few times and then separate hair into big chunks and spray the dry shampoo right on the root area. A quick sprits here and there will do. Then use your fingers and gently massage scalp and hair and work it through.

IMG_0882

To finish my fake “blowout” I love to use my 1 ½ inch curling iron. I lift the top half of my hair up on to the top of my head and secure it with a clip. Then I curl the bottom layer under in four big chunks for about 5 second each.

Under Curls

Next I drop the sides and in two big rolls of the curling iron and five seconds each they are now straight and curled under at the ends.

Side Curls

All that’s left is the crown of my head which then gets rolled into three big chunks going away from my face.

Crown Curl 1Crown Curls 2Crown Curls 3

That comes to nine curls in all each about 5 seconds. Run a brush through it all and you are ready to go!

Done
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You Might Be a Working Mommy if…

You Might Be a Working Mommy if...

 

I’ve always been a fan of Jeff Foxworthy and his line of “You Might be a Redneck if,” jokes. Well, I’m not a redneck, though I am descended from a whole bunch of them, but I am a mommy. So I thought I would come up with my own line of “You Might Be” one liners. Enjoy!

Oh boy

  • You might be a tired working mommy if you have poop under your fingernails and it is NOT your poop but you were in such a hurry to leave the house on time that you never noticed until you got to work.
  • You might be a tired working mommy if you scream at your children every morning to “move it.” (Put your shoes on! Brush your teeth! Come on, we have to go or mommy is going to get stuck in rush hour traffic!)
  • You might be a tired working mommy if you make sure the kids are all dressed, have back packs, and necessary items, only to get to work and realize that your own lunch is still sitting on the kitchen counter.
  • You might be a tired working mommy if you constantly want to bash your head against your desk each time your child brings home another flyer announcing the class performance of (insert title here) which will be performed at 10:00 am.Little Pilgrim
  • You might be a tired working mommy if every Monday you hand over a check that is approximately 45% of your weekly income to a daycare center, school prime time care, or other child care service.
  • You might be a tired working mommy if you break down into tears when the annual Muffins with Moms note comes home from school.
  • You might be a tired working mommy if you wake up earlier than the Amish so you can have a few minutes to put on your make-up, fix your hair, and have a cup of something caffeinated in peace and quiet before you have to wrestle your little ones into their clothes.
  • You might be a tired working mommy if you send a child to school even when they feel a little sick because you don’t have back up daycare on a moments notice.
  • You might be a tired working mommy if you’ve had to suddenly run out of the office to go pick up a child that just barfed at school.
  • You might be a tired working mommy if you only go to dentists and pediatricians that offer services after 5:00 or on Saturdays.
  • You might be a tired working mommy if you have ever gone to work with snot on your clothes or spit up in your hair. (I have suffered both…multiple times)
  • You might be a tired working mommy if you drive 90+ miles an hour to get to work on time and then drive just as fast going home because you have to be at the corner to meet the school bus at 3:56 pm.
  • You might be a tired working mommy if you scream at your kids in the evening to quiet down because you have work you need to do for tomorrow and you need to concentrate.
  • You might be a tired working mommy if you need caffeine in the morning, and at noon, and at five in the evening to get through your day.
  • You might be a tired working mommy if you have a load of laundry going in the machine by 6:00 am and the dishwasher turned on by 6:05 am.
  • You might be a tired working mommy if you get home from work and freak out because you forgot to thaw the item you were planning on cooking for dinner that night.
  • You might be a tired working mommy if you can only find time to squeeze in a couple of showers a week M-F because it is too hard between t-ball practices, piano practices, catechism, and Cub Scout meetings.

Fair Ball3 bottles

  • You might be a tired working mommy if you have run a dry razor blade over your arm pits…more than once, in a time crunch because you wanted to wear a sleeveless blouse to work.
  • You might be a tired working mommy if you carry 5 Hour Energy in your purse at all times.
  • You might be a tired working mommy if you come home from work mumbling incoherently and the children know to run to their rooms and hide.
  • You might be a tired working mommy if sleeping past 6:00 am seems like a luxury.

wake up mom

  • You might be a tired working mommy if you have the local pizza delivery place on speed dial and they already know what you are going to order when you call.
  • You might be a tired working mommy if you constantly are about to do something but are pulled in so many directions at once that you are forever forgetting what it was you were about to do.
  • You might be a tired working mommy if being together at work means your house looks like a pit and if your house is perfect it means you are completely behind at work.
  • You might be a tired working mommy if you have ever broken down crying while standing at the stove making spaghetti. (Yes I did and still can’t explain why.)
  • You might be a tired working mommy if you sit down at 9:00 to watch something on TV and fall asleep on the couch in less than five minutes.
  • You might be a tired working mommy if your DVR is completely maxed out from all the shows you want to watch but have no time to watch.
  • You might be a tired working mommy if you sometimes wished the feminists who fought for our right to work outside the home had just stayed in the kitchen and shut up. (I don’t really believe that, well, not too often, okay sometimes when I am so tired I can’t remember what day of the week it is.)
  • You might be a tired working mommy if you have ever bundled up the kids, climbed into the car, and then forgotten why you just got in the car. This usually happens on the days I can’t remember what day of the week it is.

working moms

Feel free to add to my list. I’d add more, I am sure there are plenty more to add, but my brain is shutting down for the night.

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There Goes the Last Shreds of My Dignity

There Goes the Last Shreds of My Dignity

Well, good-bye.  It was nice knowing you while it lasted and I am very sorry you have to leave in such a rush.  Maybe one day you can come back and we can pretend this whole awful moment was just a bad dream.  Oh, no?  Well, that’s okay.  I understand.  Really I do.

That was what was left of my dignity, flying out the proverbial window faster than a five year old chasing an ice cream truck.  My dignity and I had to sever all ties today and go our separate ways.

How, you may ask, did this happen?  Well, for starters, it’s all my boys’ fault.  Then again, maybe not all their fault.  Fine, I guess it really wasn’t their fault.  I know, it’s the cat’s fault!  She betrayed me!  Okay, okay so it wasn’t her fault, either.  I know who to blame…freaking winter.  Yes, this winter of discontent claimed another victory against me today.  If I were actually keeping score between winter and myself if would probably look something like this:  Winter-251, Me-0.  I am so over this winter!

Anyway, I digress.  Back to my now lost dignity.  It all started this morning with yet another snow day.  Like any tired mommy I did what we all do on a snow day.  I rolled over and went back to sleep!!  The timing was actually pretty good, I caught my six year old’s head cold and my sinuses and throat are super raw and irritated.

I woke up two hours later and happily the boys were both still sleeping.  Even the cat was quiet since Bill fed her before he left for work at 5:30 in the morning.

I decided to do something utterly wonderful.  Something truly luxurious!  I decided to take a shower.  Since when is a shower a luxury?  Talk to a few moms and you will find out pretty darn fast just how luxurious they are.  During the week a shower for me is done in the evening before bedtime and consists of approximately 2 minutes of running water followed by a quick pat down and tossing on some jammies so I can get back out there to start the boys’ bedtime rituals.  Sunday is the only day of the week that I get to have a proper morning shower and actually stay in there until all the hot water has been drained from the tank.

I left the bedroom door cracked open for the cat to come in.  She loves to come in when I take a shower.  Since she is the only other female in the house I consider it a little girl time bonding.  Besides, after I get out of the shower she likes to go in there and lick the walls dry with her sandpaper tongue.  I consider that a win since I don’t have to worry about mildew and mold build up on the bottom four inches of the shower.

I stepped into my bathroom and stripped down.  I turned on the shower to let the water warm up before I stepped in.  That was when I remembered that my new bottle of Honest Shampoo was on the bedroom dresser.  It had only made it as far as the bedroom in my hurried attempt to put it away.  Plus the cat was in the bedroom.  That was when it happened.  That was when my dignity left me in such a rush.

Without a second thought I opened the bathroom door and stepped out into my bedroom completely in the buff.  I managed to get three steps out before I looked up to see both boys sitting on my bed petting the cat.  I screamed, turned, ran back to the bathroom and slammed the door.  Praise the Lord, at least the 13 year old had his back to me!  The six year old on the other hand was sitting with his face in my direction, and while the oldest only got a good look at my cellulite covered backside, my sweet little boy got to see the Full Monty;  saggy boobs, stretch marked covered stomach, and all the rest.

As I stood in the bathroom trying figure out how I would get the money needed to pay for my children’s’ hefty therapy bills, I heard both boys bust out laughing in the bedroom.  I swear I think I even heard the damn cat laughing!  I yelled at them to go in the family room and play video games as I shrugged my shoulders and accepted the fact that my boys weren’t traumatized, perhaps just a little nuts and would survive this incident with their sanity in tacked, even if my own sanity was sometimes in question.

Please tell me this has happened to you! Somebody? Anybody?

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Pinterest: Successfully Telling Women Everywhere That Their Lives Suck

Pinterest  Successfully Telling Women Everywhere That Their Lives Suck

I have a love/hate relationship with Pinterest.  I first discovered Pinterest two years ago after having two back to back massive foot surgeries that left me in a wheelchair for almost four months.

At the time Pinterest was a god send.  I whittled away days and days of captivity looking at and pinning glorious pictures of bedrooms, living rooms, fancy cakes, delicious recipes, arts and crafts, vacation destinations, and fashionable clothing.

I spent hours creating my boards and arranging everything just so.  I searched for the perfect picture to be my cover shots.  I researched cute quotes and sayings to personalize each board.

I made plans.  I had big, huge, EMORMOUS plans for all the amazing things I was going to do once I was restored to perfect health.

Finally I was out of my wheelchair, and back on two legs.  I returned to work and had to do physical therapy three times a week.  But once I was out of my wheelchair the abundance of time I had had was gone.  There was no more carry out for dinner day after day.  I was back to cooking and packing lunches.  There was no more sitting on my rear end in the evenings.  I was back to doing laundry and cleaning.

But, I am a teacher, and I have summer vacations.  That was when I would put all my Pinterest ideas into fruition.  And I did…some of them at least.  Okay, a couple of them.  The truth is, teachers may have summers off, but we are still moms, so all the household stuff doesn’t go away, and just like everyone else we still have kids yelling, “Mom!  Mom!  MOM!” every ten seconds or so.

Then there is another realization.  Most of the crap on Pinterest looks so special because it takes hours and hours to make it that way.  I love having a picnic on the beach.  We live in the heart of LakeCounrty.  I have multiple beaches to visit all within a ten minute drive.  My idea of a picnic on the beach involves a cooler with some sandwiches, a cold soda or lemonade, and maybe some cookies or brownies for dessert.  Throw in a few ten year old beach towels and my water resistant zip up blanket I bought at Target and we are good to go.

This looks beautiful but the amount of work it would take to set this up would ruin the simple pleasure of picnicking at the beach.

This looks beautiful but the amount of work it would take to set this up would ruin the simple pleasure of picnicking at the beach.

Here is a Pinterest picnic on the beach.  It is beautiful.  Oh yes.  Would I love for my picnic to look like this?  Certainly!  Am I willing to put in the time and effort, and the expense to make this happen?  Um…no, not really.  Not only would I have to cart all this to the beach and set it up, but then I would have to drag it all back home and put it all away and oh just forget it.  It’s so not going to happen!

I realize why Pinterest is fabulous.  It’s because it is so magical.  Pinterest shows us a peek into a fantasy life.  It is the same reason I love Downton Abbey, Pride and Prejudice (the Colin Firth one), and pretty much anything on Masterpiece Theater.  Everything looks so beautiful, so romantic and visually stunning.  But it is only beautiful if you are Lady Mary or Miss Elisabeth Bennett.  In my life I would end up being Daisy, the scullery maid.

This breakfast in bed would be wonderful if you had a butler or ladies maid who prepared it and carried it into your room for you.

This breakfast in bed would be wonderful if you had a butler or ladies maid who prepared it and carried it into your room for you.

I love having breakfast in bed.  This usually happens on Saturday.  Bill is gone to work, the teenager now sleeps in and the little one goes to the basement to play on the Wii for a bit.  I get up, pour myself a bowl of raisin bran, grab a spoon and the newspaper and go back to bed with my breakfast where I will relax for fifteen minutes before jumping into the shower.  To me this is glorious.  Then I see a picture of breakfast in bed Pinterest style and my raisin bran suddenly feels a lot less glorious.

I think every girl dreams of being Elisabeth Bennett at least once in her life.

I think every girl dreams of being Elisabeth Bennett at least once in her life.

So thank you Pinterest for showing me how plain and ordinary my life is.  Thank you for pointing out every day that I don’t have a bank account equal to Mr. Darcy’s.  I wish I could quit you all together but we both know I won’t.  I am addicted, hopelessly addicted.  I want to see your pretty pictures and dream of their beauty, even if I have no intention of doing it myself.

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One Year Down & Hopefully Many More to Go!!

1st-blog-anniversary

 

I just wanted to say thank you to all my followers.  This little blog means the world to me as do your comments, e-mails and likes.  I look forward to entertaining you for many years to come God willing.

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