Just Because I Have It All Doesn’t Mean I Want It All

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Want it AllI am woman.  I am invincible.  I am tired.  It is more than just a cute catch phrase on my Facebook page.  It is the truth.  Day in and day out I do it all.  Cook, clean, grocery shop, and laundry?  Done, done, done, and done.  Take care of two boys and keep them mentally and creatively stimulated?  Done!  Piano lessons for the oldest, T-ball for the youngest, volunteering at the local food pantry and with the coming school year religious education gets tossed into the mix.

Work a full time job under incredibly stressful circumstances in an impoverished inner city environment that is often violent and do my very best to be a force of good in my students lives.  You bet your ass!

Write a blog offering my words of wisdom, experiences, and tips, hoping someone out there finds all this useful and perhaps a little funny.  Yes, that too, while also maintaining a Facebook page and a Pinterest page trying to find the most useful of information to share with my followers.

full time job

We live in a modest home in a lovely little sub surrounded by woods.  We have two cars, two kids, and a fat cat.  I am living the American dream…right?  Right?!?  So why is it most days I don’t feel quite so dreamy?

My life consists of two parts.  The September to June career woman part, and the Mid-June to end of August stay at home part.  I can honestly say that I know what it is to be on both sides of the fence, and believe me when I say I know exactly which side of the fence is greener, and not because it is covered in bullshit.

yes dear2

I know there are women out there who will want to tell me off, cuss me out, and bitch that I am undermining womanhood as we now know it today, but I will take being a stay at home mom over the working mom gig any day.  What ever I do, I will always do it to the best of my ability, no matter how many jobs are on my plate.

So when summer comes and I am home with my boys it is wonderful to just be a mom, a wife, and a homemaker.  It is nice to slow down and plan out our meals.  It is nice to have the time needed to wash, and dry, and fold, and put away all the laundry.  It is nice to have the time to take the boys to the park, even if it isn’t my favorite thing to do.  It is nice not to make sure every minute of the day is scheduled to the exact minute for fear of not getting it all done.

ask meIt is especially nice to have time to focus on my blog and my “internet job” which at least fills my soul if not my wallet.  Writing has always been a passion of mine, one I had to give up for several years because I had too much to do, but now that my youngest is a little older, and writing a blog is faster than writing Fan Fiction, I am able to do it once more.  Maybe some day I will be able to make a living off my writing but I’m not counting on it.

Sometimes I dream of quitting my job, no longer commuting sixty miles a day round trip, and waking up at 4:45 in the morning.  I think about how wonderful it would be to join my children’s school PTA’s, be a room mom, and all that good stuff, but I can’t.  First, it wouldn’t be fair to my dear husband who works longer days than I do.  Plus, both boys are now in all day school.  Let’s face it, once the kids are in all day school and you are still a stay at home mom, most people would just label you as being too lazy to work.  People stupid enough to think that need to be slapped in the face with a frying pan.

two jobsEven with my boys in school my home would run a heck of a lot more smoothly if I were here to manage everything.  As it is, we pay for a.m. child care, rely on grandparents to pick the boys up from school when one suddenly gets sick, and have to scramble to make arrangements whenever the boys have no school but I do.  My weekends are spent doing all the housework I was unable to do Monday-Friday, when I would rather be free to relax or play with the kids.

So yes, I have it all…but I would seriously like to give some of it back.

Are there any other working moms out there who would love to chuck their full time job?

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Comments

  1. I tip my hat to you! I have enough on my plate with my twins at home, and to even think about going back to work gives me major anxiety! Working moms definitely need more appreciation and praise. Thanks for linking up at Thursday Things and displaying our button! Hope to see you back next week.

    Best,
    Steffany
    http://spitandsparkles.blogspot.com/2013/07/thursday-things-6-link-up.html

    • I was lucky I was able to stay home for two years after my youngest was born. The first year back at work was definitely the hardest. I broke down crying from exhaustion all the time.

      I can’t even imagine returning to work if I had had twins! No way!

  2. I completely agree with everything you just said! I m a high school English teacher who tutors on the side, am trying to establish myself more as a writer, have two little girls at home, husband finishing up grad school, just bought our second house, the whole “American” dream. But the whole gig isn’t all it s cracked up to be sometimes. I wrote a post called “I hate you: Mommy needs a timeout” that is my similar vent. Definitely a new follower here!
    Angela @ Time with A & N (http://glennbabies.blogspot.com )

    • Thanks for following. I just read your “Mom Challenged” post. Very funny, and I agree, some of the things on Pinterest are just way over the top!

  3. jessica holl says:

    Tina I am a teacher too and in fact just quit my job in June to stay home with my two boys who are 1 and 4. I found that working as a teacher and trying to be present for my kids was extremely exhausting and challenging and I could never keep up with the housework! Teaching is an exhausting job mentally and physically. I am going to sub a few days a week to stay connected and keep my sanity. I am hoping its all I thought it would be.

    • I am very jealous. I have often thought of quitting the teaching gig and returning to my college job of para-professional. Shorter hours, no lesson plans, no grading, no conferences, just working with the kids. But the cut in salary would be massive, plus I know in my district ALL para-professionals were let go because the district couldn’t afford to pay them. So for now I stay were I am at.

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