A Crooked Tale of a Crooked Penis

A Crooked Tale of a Crooked Penis

So often I think to myself that children in general just can’t shock me anymore. I mean 20 plus years as a teacher and 12 years as a mom you’d think you had pretty much seen or heard it all. My twelve year old proved me wrong.

He was never very shy. In fact only about eight months ago he would still run around the house butt naked with me yelling at him to get in his room and get dressed. Finally, he reached the age where he realized he shouldn’t be naked in front of his parents anymore and started using a towel or pajamas when coming out of the bathroom after a shower. I blissfully got used to this new modesty and was happy my son was growing up.

So it came as a bit of a shock when he came to me and said that “something” was wrong down there. I asked him what he meant. I was thinking that perhaps he had a bit of a rash or something and was about to get the Gold Bond Medicated Powder which seems to fix rashes down there rather quickly.

“I need you to look at it,” he announced. “Can’t you just tell me?” I asked, not really wanting to look at it. “No, you have to come and look at it,” was his reply. He looked genuinely concerned so I followed him into the bathroom where he pulled down his pants. He looked at me and said rather fearfully, “I think I broke it.” I worked really hard not to laugh because he was so serious. “What do you mean?” I asked. “Look at it! It’s crooked! I broke it,” he said loudly. I looked, and yes, it was indeed crooked. It had grown as well.

I calmly told him to pull up his pants and explained that probably one side had grown a little faster than the other side and it just needed time to catch up. His reply to that was to tell me that when he peed he now peed on his leg which explained why the bathroom was always pee covered and smelled of an outhouse. Once again I bit back a laugh and told him that he could no longer just stand there and do his business that he now needed to hold it and AIM! Then, I told him if he had any more penis questions to ask his dad since he had personal experience of having a penis and that I did not.

The next day I told this story to my fellow teachers, all women, and we laughed hysterically. That day I was really glad to be a woman. I know guys are really proud of their penis but based on how many times my boys have taken a hit to it and now it being crooked, I think they are more trouble than they are worth.

On a positive note, a visit to the pediatrician confirmed what I told him.

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