I try hard to be a good mom. I help with homework, prepare healthy meals, buy wholesome foods, read bedtime stories, and maintain a relatively clean home. However, working full time and having two kids, there just isn’t enough time in the day and some days I just don’t have the energy or desire to be Alpha Mom. Therefore, there are some things I must confess. They say confession is good for the soul. I don’t know about that, but here goes.
*Sometimes when my youngest asks me to play with him I’ll say I have to go poop just so I can read my kindle or a new magazine in peace for a few minutes.
*While hiding in the bathroom I secretly hope he will get distracted and forget that he asked me to play.
*I am guilty of kicking toys under the sofa because I don’t feel like bending over, picking it up, and then putting it away.
*I have named the giant dust bunny behind the entertain unit Clyde. It is easier to pretend he is part of the family than pull the thing away from the wall and vacuum. After all, can anything called a bunny really be that bad?
*If a cookie falls on the floor I will pick it up, blow it off, and eat it. Go ahead, judge me, see if I care.
*I have given up on trying to make my oldest son dress for the weather. If he wants to wear a hoodie when it is 35 degrees and raining outside then so be it. Maybe a few days of freezing his butt off while soaking wet will teach him that being warm is better than being cool.
*When I run out of socks I go in my hubby’s drawer and take his. His are thicker, warmer, and softer than mine anyways. Sorry, honey.
*I hate most vegetables and will not force my kids to eat them. We just double up on the fruit.
*When my kids bring home art projects from school I “ooh and ah” and stick them on the wall. Then when they go to bed I toss it in the trash. The next morning they don’t even notice it isn’t there anymore.
*I have treats hidden in the house that I don’t share with the kids.
*I hate the fact that my youngest is now reading well enough to know when I am rushing through a bedtime story and calls me out on it.
*My son is supposed to practice his trumpet for a half an hour a day. Most days he doesn’t do it but I still sign the form that says he did. I hate listening to him practice the trumpet.
*I have watched episodes of Super Nanny because I feel better about myself afterwards.
*I have actually gone to the hairdresser to get my hair done just because I was too tired to wash and dry my own hair. Yes, I have actually been that tired as a mom.
*I long to take a child-free vacation. There is nothing relaxing about vacationing with kids. It’s still full time parenting, but now you don’t even have the comforts of home.
*If clothing has been worn but doesn’t stink or has no visible stains on it, I put it back in the closet. I do enough laundry in a week! (This rule does not apply to underwear.)
*I once deliberately left the new roll of toilet paper on the floor to see how long it would take before someone else would put the new one up. After 4 days of waiting I finally changed it myself.
*I sometimes dream of pulling my car over to the side of the road and kicking my teenager out of the car when he is acting like a drama queen. I am afraid that one of these days I may actually do it!
*When there aren’t enough leftovers for everyone I will serve the kids and my husband and eat a bowl of Cheerios for dinner for myself just so I don’t have to cook!
*When I do get a rare night away from the kids, which is like four to five times a year, I don’t miss my kids, not one little bit. I’m also happy to come home and know they are already asleep and I don’t have to put them to bed.
*I usually say the words “what the fuck” under my breathe about 20-30 times a day.
What guilty, or not so guilty, confessions do you have to share?