I have noticed lately that I have had several, okay more than several, near misses of almost wetting my pants. Am I stuck in traffic? No. Am I out on the town and can’t find a restroom? No. I am inside my own house, and yet I am almost ready to pee my pants several times a week.
That’s crazy, right? I mean, what the heck, go to the bathroom, shut the door, and take care of business. Yet, if you are a mom, you know that it is not always that easy. Here’s an example.
I am standing at the fridge picking out the ingredients for dinner. My brain politely informs me that I will need to use the bathroom shortly. Keep selecting ingredients.
Drop ingredients on the counter and run to the basement to see why one of my boys is suddenly screaming. Separate wrestling boys, comfort the crier, go back up stairs and pick up ingredients that rolled off counter and onto the floor.
As I place the carrots on the counter the washer machine timer goes off. Duck into the laundry room to put clothes from the washer into the dryer.
Now is a good time to go to the bathroom. As I turn towards the bathroom I am cut off by the boys who each duck into a bathroom. Okay, no problem.
I chop onions, peel carrots, and get chicken in the frying pan. Now I am standing in front of the stove with one skillet and two pots a going. I really need to go to the bathroom.
Hurry to the bathroom. Oh sweet Jesus! What the hell is that? Never mind, I don’t want to know. Grab the toilet bowl cleaner and the scrubber and scrub toilet sparkling clean. Put cleaning items away.
Just as I am about to shut the door my youngest yells out that he needs me. He is in a panic because he can’t find one of his new Batman Lego’s wings. Spend five minutes searching the floor and bed. Eureka, it was stuck between the mattress and the side of the bed. I’m the hero who just saved the day.
AJ can’t find his iPod. I tell him exactly where it is. He says “Its not there.” I say “Yes it is.” He counters with a “No its not.” I march though the house, pick up the iPod that was exactly where I told him it was, he grins sheepishly, and mumbles, “Thanks.”
Oh shit! Is that smoke. Crap…I forgot about dinner!! Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!!
Run back to the kitchen. The chicken is black on the bottom and stuck to the pan. All the water boiled out of the carrots and they are scorched. Take chicken out of skillet, cut away the burnt parts, save what is left.
Toss out the carrots, they are beyond hope. Take out second bag of carrots to start all over. While peeling carrots realize that I am actually doing the potty dance like one of my second graders.
Finally I put the carrot down, race for the bathroom, ignore the oldest as he tries to ask for my help yet again, slam and lock the bathroom door, yank down my pants in total desperation, and breathe a sigh of relief as I FINALLY get to pee mere moments before I had an accident.
Seriously, does this happen to you or am I just completely losing my mind?