A Tired Mom’s New Year’s Resolutions

A Tired Mom's New Year's Resolutions

I tend to be a complicated person.  At times I am sentimental, at times I get on a soap box and become a little bossy, often I am bitchy and snarky, and sometimes I crack my own self up.  So not surprisingly my New Year’s resolutions ended up being a mix of all of the above.

So without further ado, here are my serious, not so serious, and little bit bitchy resolutions.

On a Serious Note  

  • Create one heck of a teacher portfolio to help me take my career down a new path.
  • Too actually call people on my phone and speak to them besides just sending out a quick text message.
  • Chill out.  (This will be the HARDEST resolution for me to try to keep.)
  • Finish writing my book so that perhaps I can take my career in a truly different path!
  • Try not to get so hung up about the little things that I fail to enjoy the big things.

Not So Serious 

  • I will stop gaining weight.  Since I know I will be too busy to actually try to loose weight my goal is simply to maintain the status quo.
  • Spend more money on the Mega Millions and Power Ball jackpots, just in case that new career path thing fails to work out I’ll need a plan B.
  • I will get more sleep this year by secretly giving both boys a crushed up melatonin in their milk at dinner time.  Go ahead, judge, I don’t care!!
  • This is the year I will get serious about watching more cute baby and cat videos on YouTube!
  • I will finally carve out some time to make something awesome and Pinterest worthy with all my wine corks.

A Little Bit Bitchy 

  • I will get more exercise by lifting my middle finger more often to the crappy drivers I deal with day in and day out during my hour long commute to work.
  • I will wave and smile at the neighbors and invite them over for a drink or two when they are clearly judging me for the number of empty wine bottles in my recycling bin.
  • I will speak to my teenager using the same tone and whiny voice he speaks to me with.  I will also roll my eyes with greater exaggeration and stomp my feet as I walk away.
  • I will try to be more offensive because apparently pissing people off gets you more followers than providing humorous and somewhat helpful content.
  • I will put exposed electrical wires at the base of the toilet in the boy’s bathroom.  Every time they miss the bowl they will get ZAPPED!  Think of it as Pavlov’s Classical Conditioning, only instead of rewards for ringing a bell they will get shocked for peeing the floor.

HAPPY NEW YEAR’S!!!

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Comments

  1. Oh my gosh, I am so glad I found you because we are SO much alike! I was cracking up reading your lists because your items are so much like what mine would be–if I made New Year’s Resolutions lists. I don’t, but not because I don’t believe in them. I’m just too busy drinking my wine to be bothered. :)

  2. Bwahahaha! Okay, these should be titled good, better, best!

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